My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
