I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
