Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
