All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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