OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
