I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
