he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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