Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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