my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
