i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
