escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
