I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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