The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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