WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
