is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
