Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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