I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
