I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize