I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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