wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
