yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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