the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
