We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
