my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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