and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
