My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
