My cat gives me a boner
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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