I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
