you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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