hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
