No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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