Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
