She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
