this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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