the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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