they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
