I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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