My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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