The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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