She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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