im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
