At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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