i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
