Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
