i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
