When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
