do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
