if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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