Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
