i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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