I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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