I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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