Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
