Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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