the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
