why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pop tarts are not kleenex
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
