Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
