think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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