just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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