well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wish there were birth control emojis
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
