ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've blown a few things in my day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
