it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
