2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You just made me feel so damn special
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
