You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
