When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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