why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
