So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
