I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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