i just had sex bonerless
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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