No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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