When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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