hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
