dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
