My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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