ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want to make a zoo with you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
