I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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