just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
