turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
