The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He better not be in your backpack
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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