I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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