I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
