I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize